What kind of talks are generally does happen in your home during the dinner time?
What kind of lecture do you often get?
What seems like the most worrying thing for your parents when it comes to your life?
What are the most common topics that your family pick as part of mentoring you?
I don’t know about you all but as far as I have known and witnessed, it’s mostly about success, career, money, how to be better than cousin and “falana,” how to behave, how to act, etc. BUT, it’s never about relationship, it’s never about love and essence. No one from home tells us what is relationship, what is marriage, what happens after marriage, what are the challenges, what ruins relationships, what differs good from bad relationship, etc.
One bad relationship and our life is screwed up. We get lost. We become purposeless. We lose spirit. Life feels like of zombie, but everyone here acts like relationship means nothing. To them, It’s always about job and career and house and car. Children are left on their own to figure out about love and relationship. Relationship cover half of our life and no one is bothered to guide us, to teach us, to tell us about. Nor media take the responsibility.
There are many from our relatives to give us philosophies and speech on life and career but barely anyone steps up to tell us about relationship, marriage, from their experiences. We are left to take relationship advice from friends who have not lived a life enough to give a right advice and articles on internet from different culture.
Next time, when you wonder why Kmag often talk about love and relationship, remember there are 100s of media to talk about politics, to talk about government, to give free tips and advice on politics and governance; dozens of pages to complain and criticise about their misdeeds; there are 100s of individuals to feed motivational/
Until then, we gotta talk here on, learn and understand from each others — Love and relationship matters as much as politics and economy and career and education.
Travel Story: Flying across the Malaysian Sky
On 2015, January 23, we were about to board for the very flight which would change our entire life for the years to come. The sheer joy of new excitement and hard goodbyes to our families were still clouded while we were waiting for our flight.
We had our flight from Air Asia with 80 minutes transit in the airport of Malaysia. With all our fellow Nepalese brothers heading to gulf countries, we were the only one going to Australia. But none of us knew, even though the countries are different, we were about to fall into the same fate of labour.
There was a guy with his “Dillibazar Tailoring” as his backpack resting down at his feet. A pang of frustration had actually started in me already why remittance is the only major source of economy in my country.
After about two hours, right when air hostesses started checking boarding pass for the flight lunch, one of the Nepalese guys started acting strange. At first, he was talking with the air hostess, tapping his pants all over around. But soon he started checking all the hand carries rested at the top of the passengers. My husband said he could be that one of the agent bringing workers in overseas and he added he is faking to his companions as though he had boarding pass for the lunch. I gave my quick glance to the guy with that shopping bag and to that supposed agent guy.
Relying on the quick judgement of my husband, I noticed that guy with a golden ring and think chain around his neck and silver watch, indeed he was fairly dressed than other people on board. He frantically searched almost all the luggage of his clients for like fifteen minutes. Clearly, it seemed like he was just pretending it with a promise that he had had actually boarding pass for lunch to be served. Rest of the brothers were silent and were staring in each other doubting if they are getting it. Eventually, he gave up with the request of air-hostess to get back to the seat for trolleys to be run.
After 15minutes our meal arrived, and it made me partly awkward to be only passengers on a row with lunch being served especially when my fellow native brothers went on curious as air hostesses started dragging down the food trolleys.
It was almost 8:38 PM when we landed into the Malaysian Airport. We had barely 80 minutes of transit.Though there were no words of goodbyes among us, we parted our ways. We were anxiously queueing in the line when I noticed another fellow with all of his backpacks and luggage was standing after me. My husband casually told him, ” yo line Hami Australia janeharuko go, tapaiko yah bata hoina justo lagyo”
Shocked and terrified, we pointed the direction where his group headed where he quickly ran to catch them. And we ran through the corridor of Malaysian Airline for one last time to change the fate of our promised life after that flight…
Freedom and jealousy
Imagine like this
You are having foods in a most fascinating way you can and have a choice to eat whatever you want. In another corner, there are people who is seeing your privilege but they themselves can’t eat like you and are limited to food to eat by force. In this case, some of those people will be wishing life you have, some will be jealous of you and wish your privilege be taken away and you be living same as them.
That’s exactly how a free life looks like to people chained by social dogma and imprisoned within self-constructed boundaries. You inspire some people who wish to have life like you. And, some people are jealous deep inside and wish your freedom be taken away.
Let them burn in jealousy.
Live free anyway.
Dear suicidal minds
If you are suicidal, for sure your life is going through hell. Unpleasant memories, messed up present, and dark future must be bombarding your minds, questioning your purpose of living, drowning you into a blackhole of despair, emptiness and anxiety, that you feel yourself worthless, hopeless, and helpless, and only door you see to peace is in death, and you can’t wait for the death to come to you, so your mind is compelling you to get to the death on your own.
Or, maybe nothing as such. Maybe you don’t have as such unpleasant past, nor messed up present or dark future, but somewhere you feel yourself worthless. Your purpose of living does not hold any meaning to you anymore. You feel like being a loser or useless that pricks your dignity and ego. You are tired of your near ones complaining about you not being right or you are tired of trying to fit into the expectation of people around you. Or, you are tired of seeing failures and you don’t want to try anymore to succeed. You feel like you are done with your life. And you just want to give up. Suicide seems the perfect door to exist. Or, maybe you have some other reasons. Whatsoever, all the reasons boil down to one thing, and that is, you want to escape quietly.
Whatever may the reason be, you are suicidal, quietly and secretly ,that no one knows yet. I am not here to tell you “suicide is not the solution.” You already know that. I know you are not looking for solution. You are looking for an end. So, it does not matter to you, I know. Also, I am not here to tell you, “talk to me” because I know you believe talk can only give you a short-term relief, but as soon as the talk is over, you are back to your blackhole with never-ending tunnel to darkness. So, I am not here to ask you to talk to me. You don’t need to.
I am only here to talk to you. Just listen to me through these words.
Today, I was watching this documentary on human history. It showed how 70 thousands years ago humans escaped from Africa to survive. Some died on the way, and few finally made it to Arabian peninsula. From there, they expanded slowly to Asia to Austrlia, and to Europe, to America. It was amazing to learn learn how they learned agriculture, and how they learned domestication; how the religions and rituals were born, and how they learned to make tools to survive. It was also fascinating to learn how they learned to tempt river and tempt nature to make the earth their home. Those people were our ancestors. In these 70 thousand years, trillion lives had been born and died, resulting the modern world as we know. In this journey of human history, earthquake, flood, famine, war, plague, disease, accidents have killed billions, just like that. Many had died meaninglessly. Many had died unfairly. But world moved on.
What we can learn from our history is that our life actually holds no meaning in broader perspective. It gets the meaning only when we assign to it, looking at lives of those who survived.
The other day, I had gone to a funeral of a relative who had died of cancer. I had seen him struggling for year, bed-bound, and until his last breath his existence was valued but the moment he died, he became history. The moment he died, he ceases to exist. Everyone gathered on his death day and dispersed soon after, like as if he never existed. So I concluded, whether I kill myself, or I be killed by accident, or grow old to die naturally, I am going to die anyway. My life means nothing as soon as I am gone. That’s life in true sense.
With all that, what I am trying to say is that we mean nothing to this world as soon as we are gone. What matters to the world is the people that are breathing and living. Look at Yama Buddha. He was Yama Buddha until he was alive. As soon as he is gone, he is just a memory. Everything stopped then and there. People moved on.
So if you want to kill yourself, you can do that for sure. One meaningless death which will be forgotten by all anyway. In another 50 years, those who knew you will be gone as well. For the generation then, you never existed. It’s a zero sum game. Who remembers the people who crossed read sea and made it to Arabian Peninsula? No body. Who remembers the millions of armies died in world war II? No body. Moment you die, your chapter is close. It will be same in your case if you die today.
What we can learn from our history is that life actually holds no meaning in broader perspective. It gets the meaning only when we assign to it, looking at life of those who survived.
But think this way. If you die today, you are not going to see next PM of this country or US president. You are not going to see new invention, new technology, new shooting stars, new bigger moon happening after 1000 years. You not gonna see next new war, next new chaos, next new celebration. There are full of surprises waiting and you gonna miss all of them. By you dying now, world is not going to miss anything. It’s you who gonna miss lot of things.
I understand your life is hard now, but hey think about those humans escaping from Africa through Sahara desert. Think about the humans that had to survive in ice age. Think about those people from world war. Think about Japanese living in Hiroshima then. I can give you 1000s of stories of struggles and pains. Just because there is no war, no famine now; just because everything looks so easy and smooth, does not mean human world has become less challenging that you are the only unfortunate human with problems. Problem has always been there, problem will be always there. It’s about going through the problem, facing it, growing through it, and still breathing and moving on. That’s what took we humans from Africa to all over the world. Those who still chose to survive despite of hardship didn’t choose so because they could have easy life or be next president. They chose to survive because they know their death would not be other’s loss but of self. So I say, you can choose to be a human who chooses to jump off a cliff than walking 1000 miles in search of foods and waters or you can choose to be the human who would take the heat, take the burn, take the flashes and wounds but move on. not for any other reason but because you want to live and see the world as it unfolds.
See world today is quite messed up, in sense it is so defined. “You should be like this and be like that.” List of do’s and don’ts. Obsessed to build an Utopian world that never existed before nor will ever exist. Somehow you are programmed to think that by not fitting into people’s definition, your life will be waste and useless. That’s bullcrap. Don’t buy them. Buddha would not have become Buddha, if he was sold on that. I can name 1000s of people who didn’t buy that crap. Most suicidal people have this feeling of not being at the par of others and they feel useless. If you read between lines, problem lies in our self constructed idea of how a human should be, as a child, as a sibling, as a spouse, as a citizen, that some people take literally and feel like unfit, manifesting their suicidal thought more. Please don’t buy them. People never gonna understand you unless you align with their narratives and beliefs. Don’t try impossible just to trigger your suicidal tendency.
There is a Nepali saying, “marnu bhanda bolaunu jaati” which literally means better be crazy than be dead. So I say if you are to choose between ending your life or be crazy, be crazy enough to become egoless, be crazy enough to travel the world, be crazy enough to look for world fighting and surviving, new invention and discoveries, be crazy enough to leave your parents, loved ones, and everything and detach from the world if they are cause of your sorrow. Be crazy enough to pursue your true hobbies and passions. Be crazy enough to be happy by doing whatever makes you happy. Be crazy and still survive to see the world unfolding right in front of your eyes. But don’t choose to die. I repeat again, world is not going to understand you unless you talk like them, walk like them, but if that’s what making your life hell, better be crazy than end your life to escape.
When you close your eyes, everything will stop then and there for you. World is not missing anything here, but you are missing everything. So whenever your mind tells you to die, tell the mind, “shut up. I will die forever, but not gonna live forever, so let me see the world as it unfolds.” Everything else is secondary.
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