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Life&Stuffs

Let’s talk relationship

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What kind of talks are generally does happen in your home during the dinner time?

What kind of lecture do you often get?

What seems like the most worrying thing for your parents when it comes to your life?

What are the most common topics that your family pick as part of mentoring you?

I don’t know about you all but as far as I have known and witnessed, it’s mostly about success, career, money, how to be better than cousin and “falana,” how to behave, how to act, etc. BUT, it’s never about relationship, it’s never about love and essence. No one from home tells us what is relationship, what is marriage, what happens after marriage, what are the challenges, what ruins relationships, what differs good from bad relationship, etc.

One bad relationship and our life is screwed up. We get lost.  We become purposeless.  We lose spirit.  Life feels like of zombie, but everyone here acts like relationship means nothing. To them, It’s always about job and career and house and car. Children are left on their own to figure out about love and relationship. Relationship cover half of our life and no one is bothered to guide us, to teach us, to tell us about.  Nor media take the responsibility.

There are many from our relatives to give us philosophies and speech on life and career but barely anyone steps up to tell us about relationship, marriage, from their experiences.  We are left to take relationship advice from friends who have not lived a life enough to give a right advice and articles on internet from different culture.

Next time, when you wonder why Kmag often talk about love and relationship, remember there are 100s of media to talk about politics, to talk about government, to give free tips and advice on politics and governance; dozens of pages to complain and criticise about their misdeeds; there are 100s of individuals to feed motivational/inspirational stuffs regarding success and growth, but barely anyone to tell about relationship, guide and mentor on, that gonna fill half of our life.  Wish there were a culture of parents speaking with their children on love and relationship and parenting and stuffs, wish there were a class and courses in syllables on those things. But then, well, we are so primitive that we are still figuring out constitution.

Until then, we gotta talk here on, learn and understand from each others — Love and relationship matters as much as politics and economy and career and education.

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Sweta Thapa

    February 19, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    Here, people judge us when we talk about relationship. You might be saying that I’m crazy. But what I say is ‘world is small’. Everything revolves here. Each and Everything are interrelated. I often see people laugh when we talk about relationship. Noone can imagine ‘How’s is life?’ when you haven’t that person you love most. A worst feeling ever it feels like you’re watching a thriller plus horror movie alone in cinema hall where you scream, cry, wanna go out but there is no one . Trapped!! Yes, exactly this happens when you’ve heartbreak. Noone can feel this feelings until it comes to you.One must talk about relationships so that other feel like’ oh yesto malai maatra haina sablai hunxa’ okay normally we can talk about this. Most of the we youths face this and this things doesn’t let us to move on. Ajha sabai tira bata failure hunu oho kaandai pugxa jindagi laai.

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Life&Stuffs

Dating Vs Relationship

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It’s kind of sad that many people from this part of world don’t really understand the concept of relationship, dating, marriage and the differences.  Here, one likes a person, and then the very next thing starts is dreaming about marriage.  One starts dating, and the very next thing starts is, calling the person BF/GF.

That’s probably because parents and media here hesitate to guide youths in this aspect. Attraction is not relationship, dating is not relationship, relationship is not a ticket to marriage. Before a marriage, there is a process that modern world know well to follow, which is yet to be learned and understood properly.  So, here is our attempt to guide you all young boys and girls on what all those terms mean, in a simplest way possible.

Phase I:  Attracted 

A guy meets a girl, girl meets a guy. They find each other pretty attractive (or sometime, only one way). That’s it.  Love at first sight is bullcrap. There is nothing as such. It’s just an attraction. This is when the subject tells “I like that guy” or “I like that girl.”  

Now, as you are interested, an urge builds up to know the person in depth; know the person’s taste and hobbies, and passions and everything that matter.  But then, sometime you stop the urge then and there and never moves ahead and sometime you move ahead.   That’s the state of attraction.  Liking someone instantly or liking someone after regular contact has nothing to do with love.  It’s just an ATTRACTION.  As you must have heard in movie saying something, “I find you attractive.”  

Now let’s say, both parties like each other and want to proceed further.  This is when the dating phase starts.  “Hey, can I take you out?”  or “hey, can we date?”  That’s how it begins — the dating phase.

Phase II:  Dating

Here, you are in the dating phase.  It’s not yet love. It’s not even boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It is just a freaking dating, like job interview. You want to give a try, you want to know the person much beyond physical attractiveness. That’s it. Couple of dates you go for. You learn the taste and hobbies and things about the person. There is the first rule of dating: DO NOT FALL FOR YOUR DATE TOO QUICK. One should be careful enough to wisely learn about the person and see the compatibility. Great compatibility? Awesome! now, you take it to next stage that will be known as “bf/gf.”

If you find no such compatibility, you simply say “Well, nice meeting you good-looking, you are really not of my kind.  Sorry.

So understand this.  When some says, “I am dating that person.” It does not really mean, they are in relationship. It just means, the person is interested up on the other side and trying to see if is the right person to get into relationship or not. However, many in Nepal, we see people taking date too seriously. Well, that’s kind of “immaturity,” we must say.  Also, we can see many being labeled as “playboy” or “playgirl” just because they keep dating. Dating does not mean playing. It just means searching for the best compatible partner.  After all one life, you don’t know want to end up with someone not right for you.

Anyway, this is what dating is all about. It’s about knowing the person before getting into relationship. Couple of meetings, couple of dating, couple of films and restaurants and enough to figure out whether worth trying for relationship or not.

Let’s say, couple find each other a perfect date.  Now comes the next phase and that’s called RELATIONSHIP.

Phase III:  Relationship 

Congratulation. You are now officially eligible to change your FB status to “In relationship.” This is the stage, where there is supposed to be all the love and fun and that crazy ride of youthfulness. You fall in love, you are in love, you rise in love. All those rollercoaster moments. This is the time when you learn about weakness and strength of the person, you learn about the prospects of the person. You tell the world that you got a girlfriend or boyfriend. That  I-found-my-other-half moment is now what you are into.  


If dating is the job interview, this is the job training phase. Lots of things are happening does not mean you should take the job nor it means you gonna be granted the job. This is the crucial stage to decide whether the person is good enough to be father or mother of the future kid. A phase to see, if is good enough to be married and create a family or not. This period goes for pretty long time. You travel, you experiment life, you experiment youthfulness. Finally you kind of get over with the oxytocin high. Then comes ups and down, and all kinds of shitty things. Is everything going well? Is your bf/gf relationship still surviving and ready to move forward together? Does the person look perfect enough to be committed legally with? If “Yes!” Cool. Congratulation. Go get married. If “No, I don’t think will be a great spouse.” Ditch then.  Don’t marry. 

Is that clear enough? Wait, we will give you a best example. Have you ever wondered why in movie, when a boyfriend proposes his girlfriend for marriage, she be like “WOW.” She cries and hugs and be so thankful and all.  It’s funny to some people from this part of world thinking “they live together, they have sex, they go around, and still why “marry me” proposal is taken as overwhelming moment?”  You know why?? Because relationship does not grant you marriage unless you pass the relationship test. When you are proposed, that means you passed the relationship. You are considered to be perfect one to marry and live for rest of the life.  So, until you are not proposed, you are just in relationship level.  It’s his/her right to decide when the time comes and readiness.

In this part of world, we tend to take boyfriend or girlfriend for grant, as if one is forced to marry his/her romantic partner just because been in relationship. That’s just BULLCRAP! Great boyfriend does not necessarily mean can be a great husband and same with girlfriend. Marriage means legally committing to someone to create a family, bring children in the world, raise them together, and die gracefully. You can’t just marry someone just because you found the person cool in some point in life. Marriage comes with social and financial responsibility, and many other things needed to create a family and raise children and grow old with.


Anyway, that is that. Relationship is the “Agniparikshya” moment. Now let’s say, both turn to be great couple, confident enough that  they can be a great husband/wife, there comes the proposal and happens the marriage.  

Phase IV:  Marriage 

This is the phase when you let your relationship to be legally recognised to create a family and devote life for each other for shared goals.

Look, how simple the concept of romantic relationship is. Problems come when you jump the stages without clearing each level or comprising and taking your relationship and emotions to next level.

In bullet points, 

  • You don’t need to date someone, just because you find the person attractive. You are not necessarily a “date worthy” just because you are attractive.
  • Just because someone asks you for date, does not mean the person is your bf/gf. Just because you are dating someone, does not mean you are committed to the person. You are just dating.
  • Feel free to discontinue dating, if the person is not of your type, no matter how attractive you found the person. Don’t be desperate to hook with someone even if not compatible. You gonna cry for this stupid decision later in your life.
  • If your date impresses you and is the perfect pick, go begin the relationship. But remember, he/she is not your wife or husband yet.  Also, remember relationship does not grant you marriage. You gotta earn it. You gotta work to prove that you are the right one to get married to.
  • If the person does not seem to be the best one to be the father or mother of your children or best to be your spouse, feel free to break up. DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTION FOOL YOU. DO NOT LET HIS/HER EMOTION FOOL YOU. You have all the rights to decide whom to marry and whom not. No one calls you a bad person for ditching someone that’s not fit to be your spouse. if all well and good, go marry. Be a wonderful parent, wonderful spouse, live your life happily, age gracefully.

Make things simple. Life is beautiful and easy if you know to live per the rule.  Life becomes complicated, relationship becomes complicated when you don’t know the fundamental aspects of romance and relationship and marriage and stuffs.

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Life&Stuffs

What is the best part of living with someone you love?

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Sex is not the best part of marriage or live-in.  It is just an add-on benefit. 

“What is the best part of marriage?” or say, “what is the best part of living with someone you love?” It’s not sex.  Sex does not happen every day or night.  It happens once in a while, and even when it happens, it is just 10-15 minutes of intense moment. That’s it.  Sex is not best part of marriage or live-in.  It is just an add-on benefit.  You know what is best?

It’s that moment of bed, right before couples go into sleep. You lie on pillow, look at each other, talk about something, and you smile, your partner smile; tickle or irritate and tickle and irritate back and laugh together.  Sometimes go deep, talk about problems and issues at work and at college, or with friends and relatives.  Chest turns pillow, legs swirl around.  This moment that you get to spend every night in bed, is the best part of marriage or live-in.

Unlike sex, it happens every night. You never get tired or bored of this intimate moment. The kiss for nothing, and again you kiss for nothing, and you smile and again you kiss, and you smile, you giggle and laugh, and say something, talk something, until you both finally go to sleep.

That is the best part of living together with your loved one.

What does it may feel like spending your life with someone that you go to with bed every night but you have no feeling for, no affection towards…talk irritates you, touch nauseates you? Why love matters, affection matters because life is too short to miss out hormonal rides.

Happy Hug Day to all the couples in love

 

If you have been following Kmag for quite sometime, we have come up with something beautiful for our lovely followers.  CLICK HERE to check that out and show your support. 

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Life&Stuffs

Why Question Everything

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The other day, we posted a question, “What is wrong in complimenting a woman for having nice breast or hip?” Responses were amazing. Thank you all.

But there were some, who didn’t like the question. They deemed such kind of things should not be put for discussion.

The other day, we posted a question, “What is wrong in complimenting a woman for having nice breast or hip?” Responses were amazing. Thank you all.

But there were some, who didn’t like the question. They deemed such kind of things should not be put for discussion.

My page handling experience and active social media observation tell me this that there are kind of mindsets who don’t like anything being questioned if is quite attached to their sentiments or belief system . Be it Kumari, be it religion, be it ritual, be it culture or be it social norms.

I used to wonder why. Then I recalled my childhood to till this moment. I remember my grand parents, my parents, my seniors, my teachers not liking being questioned their command or ideas. And I remember all the “pujas,” where a “baje” comes with a holy book, instructs to follow words by words, and rests follow quietly without questioning. Following without questioning is our culture. I realised.

I learned about our feudal society — all the kings, Kajis and mukhiyas, and how you are not supposed to question their decisions, question their ideas, question their commands.

We basically come from a society where questioning popular belief, questioning norms, questioning anything that could hurt majority’s belief or hurt ego of those in power is WRONG, is UNACCEPTED. We are supposed to follow without reasoning.

I questioned further. WHY?? Why people here in power, people in privilege status don’t like being questioned? Why they don’t like their society, their norms, their beliefs being questioned. Digging down further, I realised if you give a chance for people to question, there forms a discourse and the discourse can challenge the status quo, if the alternate ideas or thought have better logical argument. Religion, ritual, those in power, traditionalist, they don’t like to be challenged. They don’t like to be replaced. So, they discourage the practice of questioning, so that they can feel safe.

The practice has been going on for many hundreds of years. That what is reflected in our grandparents, our parents, our teachers, our priests, our politicians, our bureaucrats’ attitude. And sadly, in some of us. This must change. Questioning does not bring chaos. It brings better reasoning, better logical views, that will lead to better concepts, better ideas, better answers. No matter how stupid a question sounds, it always opens a door to answers. Answers create disagreements. Disagreements create debates and discussion. End of the discourse, the most conviencing one wins.

How beautiful the process of finding an answer it is, isn’t it?

So, don’t fear anyone questioning anything, unless you are the scared one who knows will lose the debate and will lose the comfort and privilege and thus wish to suppress the voice.

Question everything!!

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