It’s been one week now that I have not posted anything as such on my personal profile or on our Page, and never thought it would be this better. Glad that I made the decision. Somewhere I now can understand what does “Facebook addiction” really means, and what does it feel like getting out of the addiction.
Desperation is gone
When you handle a Facebook page that is quite active and is known for engagement and discussion, you are constantly desperate to post something to keep people engaged, and watch and listen to them. Just like how a smoker is reminded by brain to smoke as soon as nicotine high is gone, my brain used to remind me to post something as soon as earlier post had enough reach and engagement. My mind used to be constantly thinking and searching for topics and issues and concepts to post on the page or my profile. My mind used to be desperate to pass opinion or satire on any trending issue. My mind could not think of anything but next post. I didn’t know how my brain was automated until I left the Facebook. I feel relieved now. My brain is looking at other horizons, that would make my work and activities more impact-driven and meaningful. I am simply becoming more creative and thoughtful, not out of desperation but out of purpose and goals.
Facebook posts come with reactions and responses from people. Sometimes they could spurt dopamine and sometimes cortisone, and you will not know the consequence until you don’t post. As soon as you post, your mind triggers your anxiety and you are subtly drowning yourself in your brain hormones, sometimes in a pool of dopamine and sometimes in a pool of cortisone. You can’t stop yourself from checking every now and then comments, likes and reactions. And the reach. You can’t think of anything, especially when your post garners negative reactions. One half of your brain knows that it’s all momentary but another half can’t ignore and forget and chill to move on. This battle is your everyday life after every post. Amidst, you think of your business interest, your brand, your self identity, and lot other things and the anxiety gets worse. I have been in peace now.
Being more social
No desperation for next post, no anxiety to check reactions, no desire to share my moment or “what’s in my mind,” and guess what? I don’t need to look at my phone every now and then, and that’s making me social. Now, I can give my 100% to my friends, family and loved one when I am with them; I can give my 100% to my team, to my work when in office. I don’t remember being this available in last 5 years, as much as I have been in last one week.
Better attention span
I had heard and read a lot that social media lowers users’ attention span, but I could never understand the claim in true sense but now I can relate and say that’s very true. I used to have trouble watching even 15 minutes videos on YouTube, forget about hour-long video. Anything that would take my time more than 5 mins would be less-interested contents for me. And now, it’s different. This change is helping me to explore more books and documentaries and videos, and other long articles available on Internet. Needless to talk about time I get for movies.
Self and business development
As I left Facebook, all I had was my website and enough time to focus on. So, I begun learning google analytics and how it works. I even joined a course and got certified. I got to learn more about other Google products, and SEO. Meanwhile, I applied for Google Adsense and got it approved. These were the best reward I got from Universe for leaving the Facebook. If I had not left Facebook, I would still be knowing nothing about google Analytics, neither I would have applied for Google Adsense nor I would have got it approved. And I would be earning nothing for my works. But now, I can earn with an ease by doing what I love doing. Google Ads have now boosted my motivation to create quality content even more. My mind is already budding exciting content ideas and concepts. I see a whole new horizon to explore my creativity and passion, that would not only get me money and get me profound satisfaction, but also would be a learning and networking opportunity while working on those contents.
If so many things can happen in a week after leaving Facebook, I wonder what all must be waiting for in coming weeks and months and years. For sure, lots of surprises, a good one.
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Report: Sexual Behavior trend among sexually-active urban Nepalese youth
We had conducted an online survey to learn about sexual behavior, trend and pattern, among Nepalese urban youths. It’s a report based on that.
In order to learn sexual behavior trend among urban Nepalese youth, we had asked Kmag followers to participate in a survey anomalously to answer the following questions:
- Their age when they had their first sex
- Gender. Options given were: Male, female, and others.
- District where they had their first sex.
- We had asked if it was before marriage or after marriage.
- If it was a casual sex or while in relationship.
There were 396 respondents participating in the survey, out of which 284 had identified themselves as male, 109 had identified themselves as female, and 3 had identified themselves as Other (LGBTQ).
Background of respondents
Kmag being an English magazine and most followers being from Kathmandu and other major cities within the age bracket of 18-35, respondents can be classified as Urban Nepalese youth with good English proficiency, making them relatively exposed to global trend and modern values. Thus, this survey may or may not represent the whole Nepalese youth, but can be good hint to gauge the pattern and trend of sexual behavior among Nepalese youth in whole.
Purpose of the survey
Purpose of the survey was to learn the sexual behavior among urban Nepalese youth, basically in terms of:
- At what age, they begin to be sexually active.
- Gender wise sexual behavior.
- Percentage of premarital sex.
- Nature of sexual relationship.
Authenticity of the survey
The survey was conducted online through anonymous form. There can be a chance of false information being provided. However, the case should only be marginal.
Data Analysis (WHAT WE FOUND)
Going through the data collected, we have broken down the data to make analysis on following heading
Average age at the time of first sex (Lost Virginity)
Per the report, the age at which respondents claimed to lose their virginity ranged from 13 years old to 30 years old.
In an average, sexually-active urban Nepalese youths had lost their virginity at age 20.36, in which males had lost their virginity at age 20.15 in average, and females at age 20.79 in average. 45% of males and 40% of females were found to have lost their virginity at age between 17-20. However, data also showed a pattern that quite lot of females lose their virginity in early and mid 20s (35%), whereas males tend to lose their virginity in their late teen.
181 out of 396 respondents had their first sex in their teenage. That means 45.7% respondents had their first sex in their teen age.
Breaking it down gender wise:
Male: 47.5% of male respondents had their first sex in their teen age.
Female: 42.2% of female respondents had their first sex in their teen age.
368 out of 396 respondents had their first sex before marriage, making it 92.92%.
Only 14 females out of 109 had sex after marriage, making 87.16% females with premarital sex.
Only 14 males out of 284 had sex after marriage, making 95.07% males with premarital sex.
Nature of Sex
We had asked if their first sex was casual sex or with someone they were in relationship with.
64.89% had their first sex with someone they were in relationship with.
35.11% had their first sex with someone they were not in relationship and had it as casual sex.
To break it down, gender wise:
116 out of 284 males had their first sex as casual sex (40.84%)
21 out of 109 females had their first sex as casual sex (19.26%)
This pattern says casual sex being usual and normal among youth, especially in their early days of exploring sexual life.
- Most urban youths from Nepal seem to become sexually active from age 17.
- Average age of losing virginity among these youth is 20.38 years old.
- Within sexually-active demography, premarital sex holds 92%.
- 3 in 10 had their first sex in casual bonding and not with someone in relationship.
This online survey may not give the exact picture of sexual behavioral of Nepalese youths in general, but it pretty much can hint us on the sexual behavior pattern and trend among urban Nepalese youths.
40% and more sexually-active youths were active since their teenage.
Likewise, there are 92% sexually-active youths before marriage itself.
In the country like Nepal where sex is still a taboo and neither at home nor in everyday life people openly talk about it, it’s in a way scary that so many youths are sexually active in a sexually-conservative society with no support system in case of pregnancy outside marriage or STDs. The lack of sex education, awareness, and support system are putting so much of youths in such a vulnerable position that if anything goes wrong, they are forced to deal with it secretly.
For betterment of all, we recommend strong support system for sexually-active youths to reach out for help when in need. Also, we recommend active sex education and awareness to build a healthy society.
Sex is Sad
If I ask you to name one thing that happens in every home but nobody talks about it, what would you say? Did you just say ‘sex’ in your head? You are right, but no prizes for guessing the right answer here. And if you happen to be “an innocent child” who does not like to talk/read about sex, this is where you should stop reading. Still here? I am not joking, this is not for you.
Let me ask you another question: Have you ever asked anyone in your family: ‘How was I born?’ Most of us have. If there was a competition to select a question with the potential to generate the most bizarre answers, this question would be unbeatable. I will share some, yes there was a variety of answers I got from ‘unreliable sources’ of my family. One, I was found on the premise of Janaki Mandir and was brought home. Seriously? Two, children are born by the exchange of body fluids (not what you think!) provided the couple is married. That body fluid was sweat. Did you really think they would “pollute my mind” by giving me the truth? No way! (If you have similar answers to share, share them in comments!) Can you imagine how cheated a child feels when he discovers the truth behind the process? Oh, the liars! The mystery was officially unlocked only after sitting through awkward lectures on the reproductive system in grade 9. I say awkward because: One, it was too late to teach us as we had been informed, and somewhat misinformed, from ‘other sources’. Two, the teacher almost gave a statutory warning saying not to ask “too much”. In short, it was boring. And when even sex is boring, in any way, you know it is not being done in the right way, don’t you?
Maturity is realizing the difference between sex education and education on the reproductive system. Not very long ago I realised the difference and also that little or no sex education has been provided to me by the school or home. School teaches us the reproductive system, one of the reasons sex happens. Is it the only reason? You know the answer. The other reason is almost untouched by the present curriculum. It covers a few topics like contraception and STDs but nothing about different sexual orientations, behaviors, sexual rights and, more importantly, sexual wrongs. In fact topics like homosexuality are so unfindable in the curriculum that I saw a friend of mine put up the ‘rainbow filter’ on his Facebook profile picture thinking it was to “celebrate monsoon.” And the same people end up using homosexuality to even abuse (using words like gay, ‘chhakka’) others. Sadly, a ‘chhakka’ exists as the most valuable shot in Cricket but as a most derogatory word when it is used to denote your sexual orientation. Being different than the rest doesn’t imply being unnatural. It simply means they have a different nature. If we go by that belief then all the left-handers are unnatural, the whole of more than 700 million of them!
Marriage is the only kind of sexual right in our society. To put it in another way, ‘right sex’ only happens between heterosexual married couples, including marital rape. This norm has been independent of time and an established moral code of society since the time people were married off at the age of 10-12 years. Interestingly, we have fought off, and almost abolished, child marriage but kept our silence on ‘marriage as the only sexual right’ thing. The marriage age has risen from teenage to late twenties to early thirties. But we continue to live by the same old principles. This generally creates two kinds of people. One, the sexually frustrated one, those who abstain from having sex due to the fear of society. And two, the guilty section of people who feel they have broken a sacred law of society by addressing their natural urge, irrespective of the ‘protection measures’ they take. But still, according to ‘the great time-expired sex norms’ of our proud society, all practices other than ones happening in a marriage are sexual wrongs, even masturbation!
We are proud of our culture. Not talking about sex is culture too. But what I find ironic is that a huge number of such traditions are practiced which have sex or sexuality at their core. Let me give you some examples: A famous example would be “Goddess Kumari” in Kathmandu. Only girls who haven’t menstruated can be Kumari. Another one is preventing Hindu widows from wearing colourful clothes and consuming foods categorized as Tamasik food (like meat, fish, onion, garlic etc) because they, according to Hindu holy texts, may induce sexual urges in that person which would be “immoral”. Another funny one from Mithila culture is you cannot “touch” the wife of your younger brother. If it had specified a special category of touching, that is sexual touching, it would be understandable. But here, the “touch” is generalized. We touch the feet of elders to get blessings and show respect. Is that not “touching”? We hug our friends, brothers, sisters. Is that not “touching”? But, yeah, we are sexually fucked up. Sex is so disregarded in human life out of one’s bedroom, hidden folders and incognito mode in browsers! So much that I am sometimes in total awe because I see people acting as if they are unaware of its entire existence.
Sex is the reason we are born. Magically, sex is not involved in the birth of our “God(s)”. Again, a few funny examples: Rama was born because Kaushalya, his mother, ate rice pudding brought by a saint who emerged out of a Yagya organized by Dashrath! Hanuman was born because “Pawan Dev (God of air)” impregnated Anjani through the air! Remember the sweat theory that was proposed to me? Seems as if it is true because it was Hanuman’s sweat that was the reason for his son’s birth who was named Magardhwaj. And, Jesus was born to a “virgin” lady, Mary! And, I am sure you can find many more such stories. They must be stories, right? You don’t believe anyone can be borne by Sun, air, water, sweat and, of all other things, virginity! I am sure you don’t. All of this goes to show the role religions have played to humiliate human beings for involving in a natural phenomenon. And, this “great” culture has continued through time.
Sex will find its way to children. If you don’t help in making its way, porn will. And when porn teaches sex education, it teaches violence, perversions, and sex fiction for free and strengthens patriarchy, which alone constitutes for at least ninety percent of the world’s problems already. And if you let porn teach sex education to kids, there will be adults in the world who will know that Superman is science fiction but not that most of the porn is sex fiction and a very inhumane one at that.
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We had asked Kmag page followers to photo comment a picture of their tattoo and we received the following
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