Connect with us

Love and Relationship

What did you learn from previous relationships?

Published

on

As humans, we are naturally built to crave connection. We want to love and be loved. No wonder, relationships occupy a major part in our lives. But “Happily Ever Afters” do take a lot of time, dedication and effort. Not every one of us are blessed enough to marry our first love. We go through lessons after lessons until we find the right one. But most of them are painful. Can’t we skip them?

Below are the few similar lessons from Quora that people shared from their own personal experiences. I hope these lessons save you from years of heartaches.

You learn self-love.

It is a well known fact that you can only pour out what you have. If you lack love yourself, how are you supposed to give it to another person? Self love is a basic foundation in any relationship. When you respect and value yourself, you can give the same to your partner. Lack of self love leads to low self esteem, which will slowly eat away your relationship.

Andrew Ferebee wrote,

In several relationships, I would begin prioritizing my partner so heavily that I would stop taking care of myself.  Look, you won’t be able to be the man or woman they need if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go to the gym, prioritize alone time and realize that all of these activities will make you a better partner… Not a selfish partner.” He continues- “Simply put, without self-love, there can be no love for others. You’ll constantly be using others to gain validation and approval instead of giving yourself validation and approval and then inviting others on the journey with you.

And honestly, I think this lesson needs to be heard by all.

Communication is the key.

Admit it, no matter how well people claim to know each other, people can’t read minds. And that’s the most important reason why you should always communicate whatever you’re feeling. Silence isn’t always golden, is it? Ankit Verma writes,”Only those relationships work where there is equality, maturity and active vocal communication about the problems, from both sides.”  Yes indeed. When you are vocal about your needs and problems, you can sit and fix things like how it should actually be done.

Another thing that you should know is, ” People speak different languages of love“- as Kwasi Baako states. Most of the time, the reason that your relationship isn’t working out is because your language of love doesn’t match with that of your partners. When this happens, s/he may not feel loved despite your best efforts. In such case, the first thing you should do is communicate with each other and solve the misunderstanding.

Keep your dignity- Learn to let Go.

When a relationship ends for the first time, it feels so devastating that you try to hold on – especially when the breakup is coming from the other person. Your mind will play a thousand tricks on you, because it loves the feeling of familiarity. When such a situation arise, know that it’s the time when life is testing you. You clinging to a person who deliberately chose to walk away, is only going to give them an ego boost and nothing more. Don’t give in- trust me, you are only extending your heart break.

Kwasi Baako writes- “NEVER EVER GO BACK TO PEOPLE WHO WALK AWAY FROM YOU — it’s a waste of your time , your energy and the highest form of disrespect to you,”

And yes, that is the truth, no matter how bitter it sounds.

You gotta be independent.

Udita Pal talks about three types of independence that everyone should learn- Financial Independence, Emotional Independence and Social Independence. I don’t even have to explain much because she made it so clear herself.

In her own words-

There are three kinds of independence I’m talking about.

Financial independence: It doesn’t matter who earns more or less; you need to be at a place where your partner or not you can manage your lifestyle. It would be best if you want a partner, not an ATM.

Emotional Independence: A lot of people go through depression immediately after the breakup, which is normal but you need to understand you are more than someone’s partner and relationship or not -you are still going to exist.

Social Independence: You need to have friends outside the relationship and for sure out of the mutual circle, you need people around you to continually remind you that you have someone other than one person looking out for you. And most importantly, never ignore your parents and close ones for your partner.

Say yes to healthy boundaries.

Andrew Ferebee says,” You need to know what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship and have the guts to actually enforce that.”

Basically, establish healthy boundaries, communicate them and maintain them. You have to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy compromises in a relationship. When you compromise thinking they would change in the future, you are only sowing unresolved conflicts that will show up one day or the other. If you aren’t happy with your partners’ habit in the beginning, chances are you won’t be happy with it five years down the lane.

In the end,

These are only a few among the hundreds of lessons that people shared on Quora. You can definitely check it if you want to read more. But remember, failed relationships never means that you failed your whole life.

Yes I do understand that it may have been a good relationship. But my darlings, good relationships doesn’t necessarily have to be right ones for you !!!

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Knowledge & Infos

Report: Sexual Behavior trend among sexually-active urban Nepalese youth

We had conducted an online survey to learn about sexual behavior, trend and pattern, among Nepalese urban youths. It’s a report based on that.

Published

on

By

In order to learn sexual behavior trend among urban Nepalese youth, we had asked Kmag followers to participate in a survey anomalously to answer the following questions:

  1.  Their age when they had their first sex
  2.  Gender.  Options given were:  Male, female, and others.
  3.  District where they had their first sex.
  4. We had asked if it was before marriage or after marriage.
  5.  If it was a casual sex or while in relationship.

There were 396 respondents participating in the survey, out of which  284 had identified themselves as male,  109 had identified themselves as female, and 3 had identified themselves as Other (LGBTQ).

Background of respondents

Kmag being an English magazine and most followers being from Kathmandu and other major cities within the age bracket of 18-35, respondents can be classified as Urban Nepalese youth with good English proficiency, making them relatively exposed to global trend and modern values.   Thus, this survey may or may not represent the whole Nepalese youth, but can be good hint to gauge the pattern and trend of sexual behavior among Nepalese youth in whole.

Purpose of the survey

Purpose of the survey was to learn the sexual behavior among urban Nepalese youth, basically in terms of:

  1.  At what age, they begin to be sexually active.
  2. Gender wise sexual behavior.
  3. Percentage of premarital sex.
  4.  Nature of sexual relationship.

Authenticity of the survey

The survey was conducted online through anonymous form.  There can be a chance of false information being provided.  However, the case should only be marginal.

Data Analysis (WHAT WE FOUND)

Going through the data collected, we have broken down the data to make analysis on following heading

Average age at the time of first sex (Lost Virginity)

Per the report, the age at which respondents claimed to lose their virginity ranged from 13 years old to 30 years old.

In an average, sexually-active urban Nepalese youths had lost their virginity at age 20.36, in which males had lost their virginity at age 20.15 in average, and females at age 20.79 in average.  45% of males and 40% of females were found to have lost their virginity at age between 17-20.   However, data also showed a pattern that quite lot of females lose their virginity in early and mid 20s (35%), whereas males tend to lose their virginity in their late teen.

Teenage sex

181 out of 396 respondents had their first sex in their teenage.  That means 45.7% respondents had their first sex in their teen age.

Breaking it down gender wise:

Male:  47.5% of male respondents had their first sex in their teen age.

Female:  42.2% of female respondents had their first sex in their teen age.

Premarital sex

368 out of 396 respondents had their first sex before marriage, making it 92.92%.

Only 14 females out of 109 had sex after marriage, making 87.16% females with premarital sex.

Likewise,

Only 14 males out of 284 had sex after marriage, making 95.07% males with premarital sex.

Nature of Sex

We had asked if their first sex was casual sex or with someone they were in relationship with.

64.89% had their first sex with someone they were in relationship with.

35.11% had their first sex with someone they were not in relationship and had it as casual sex.

To break it down, gender wise:

116 out of 284 males had their first sex as casual sex (40.84%)

21 out of 109 females had their first sex as casual sex (19.26%)

This pattern says casual sex being usual and normal among youth, especially in their early days of exploring sexual life.

To summarize

  1.  Most urban youths from Nepal seem to become sexually active from age 17.
  2.  Average age of losing virginity among these youth is 20.38 years old.
  3.  Within sexually-active demography, premarital sex holds 92%.
  4.  3 in 10 had their first sex in casual bonding and not with someone in relationship.

Recommendation

This online survey may not give the exact picture of sexual behavioral of Nepalese youths in general, but it pretty much can hint us on the sexual behavior pattern and trend among urban Nepalese youths.

40% and more sexually-active youths were active since their teenage.
Likewise, there are 92% sexually-active youths before marriage itself.

In the country like Nepal where sex is still a taboo and neither at home nor in everyday life people openly talk about it, it’s in a way scary that so many youths are sexually active in a sexually-conservative society with no support system in case of pregnancy outside marriage or STDs.   The lack of sex education, awareness, and support system are putting so much of youths in such a vulnerable position that if anything goes wrong, they are forced to deal with it secretly.

For betterment of all, we recommend strong support system for sexually-active youths to reach out for help when in need.  Also, we recommend active sex education and awareness to build a healthy society.

Continue Reading

Life&Stuffs

World isn’t going to understand you.

If you can’t take pressure from family, who gave birth to you, who brought you up, who loves you and wants you, how will you take pressure from boss who will not care much about what matters to you, how will you take pressure of employees who will not care much about your business, your customers; how will you take pressure from those tax officers, and many more??

Published

on

By

World isn’t going to understand you.  World here doesn’t only mean strangers from streets or internet users from different part of the world.  Here, by saying world, I also meant to your own parents, siblings or loved one or children.  That’s the bitter of life.

Yes, even your parents, siblings, loved one or children can’t understand you every time for everything.  Actually, most of the times, if anyone would make our life harder by not understanding us, then it is our very close circle that includes mom, dad, brother/sister, relatives, loved one, children, etc.

There was a time I used to get angry with them for failing to understand me, my wants and desires, my views and concepts. I used to quietly scream inside out “why can’t you guys understand me??!! How nice everything would be if only you guys would understand me!!”

I often hear young people in their late teen or early 20s expressing frustration regarding parents not understanding them, siblings not understanding them, relatives not understanding them….some act out on this frustration and end their life.

And with time, I grew up and understood that an adult life is indeed quite challenging, especially when you are from collective society like Nepal.  This very close circle that includes parents and siblings and relatives and loved ones are my friends in need and at the same time, challenges and hurdles.  But then, it’s a process that would eventually refine me, fine tune me, train me on how to deal and convince, how to negotiate and get things done.  They are like your boxing partners, who you fight with every day, punch and get punched, get beaten up like dog, and you stand up and fight back again — AND YOU MASTER.

That shall prepare you for next level of fight with people that you have no affiliation with, no relation with, no connection with.  That fight will be the real fight which world gonna watch and define your life.

I often hear young people in their late teen or early 20s expressing frustration regarding parents not understanding them, siblings not understanding them, relatives not understanding them….some act out on this frustration and end their life.

Dear youths, if you can’t take pressure from family, who gave birth to you, who brought you up, who loves you and wants you, how will you take pressure from boss who will not care much about what matters to you, how will you take pressure of employees who will not care much about your business, your customers; how will you take pressure from those tax officers, and many more??

So ya, ideally speaking, it’s always nice to be surrounded by people who understand you but world in real is not so ideal.  In most cases, you can’t change your parents, you can’t change your relatives, you can’t change your neighbors.  So if they are tough, your option is
1.  Run away from them.
2.  Kill yourself.
3.  Learn to coexist in win-win setup.

World is never for people who don’t know to co-work, co-ordinate, and co-exist.  The test starts at home. Don’t hate the test. That’s how life is.  Embrace it.

Continue Reading

Life&Stuffs

What is the best part of living with someone you love?

Published

on

By

Sex is not the best part of marriage or live-in.  It is just an add-on benefit. 

“What is the best part of marriage?” or say, “what is the best part of living with someone you love?” It’s not sex.  Sex does not happen every day or night.  It happens once in a while, and even when it happens, it is just 10-15 minutes of intense moment. That’s it.  Sex is not best part of marriage or live-in.  It is just an add-on benefit.  You know what is best?

It’s that moment of bed, right before couples go into sleep. You lie on pillow, look at each other, talk about something, and you smile, your partner smile; tickle or irritate and tickle and irritate back and laugh together.  Sometimes go deep, talk about problems and issues at work and at college, or with friends and relatives.  Chest turns pillow, legs swirl around.  This moment that you get to spend every night in bed, is the best part of marriage or live-in.

Unlike sex, it happens every night. You never get tired or bored of this intimate moment. The kiss for nothing, and again you kiss for nothing, and you smile and again you kiss, and you smile, you giggle and laugh, and say something, talk something, until you both finally go to sleep.

That is the best part of living together with your loved one.

What does it may feel like spending your life with someone that you go to with bed every night but you have no feeling for, no affection towards…talk irritates you, touch nauseates you? Why love matters, affection matters because life is too short to miss out hormonal rides.

Happy Hug Day to all the couples in love

 

If you have been following Kmag for quite sometime, we have come up with something beautiful for our lovely followers.  CLICK HERE to check that out and show your support. 

Continue Reading

Popular